When Does Sexual Intimacy Stop?

Sexual Health for Seniors

Sexual intimacy is a beautiful thing experienced between loving partners and is traditionally thought of as normal activity between young couples. As one gets older, health issues, hormonal changes and lifestyle changes can affect whether a person can continue to have satisfying sexual relations. Does it have to stop or is it possible to continue even into one’s sixties, seventies, eighties, or nineties?

Sex and intimacy may be lost as one’s partner dies. As a solo act, self pleasure is still possible. With divorce, there may be a sexual drought. This is epidemic for those over 50. I found myself in this predicament a few years ago. When rekindling a new relationship, it was important for me that I also restored my sexual life. Most doctors find sexual health to be a challenging topic as it is encumbered with individual values.  First and foremost is that you have a loving partner who supports your needs and with whom you can communicate freely. It is also important that sexual activity is carried out in a safe manner that is free of concerns regarding sexually transmitted diseases. This means use of condoms, requesting and staying up on STD screening, and/or maintaining mutually monogamous relationships.

Many conditions associated with aging can be treated including erectile dysfunction, vaginal dryness, testosterone deficiency, and low libido. Hormone levels may need to be assessed so that supplementation can occur. Lubricants may be necessary. Medications that are prescribed must be assessed for the potential risks as well. 

 The most challenging aspects of maintaining healthy sexual relations are the psychological issues. Fatigue, chronic illness, and interpersonal relationships can affect one’s mood and if they are open to intimacy. The ability to perform sexually affects one’s confidence and self-esteem, so it is in one’s best interest to achieve a healthy balance of giving and receiving pleasure.

Finding a professional to discuss sex can be challenging. Many gynecologists and urologists do not have the time it takes to explore the intricacies of how to fix a couples sex life. Often when those discussions occur, it is gender specific even though a healthy sexual life is in actuality a couples issue. It can involve a team approach with a couple, a physician who is comfortable in discussing sex, and a counselor or therapist.

For older women, lubricants are a necessity especially when engaging in penetrative sex. However, penetrative sex is not the necessarily the goal as there are other ways to give and receive sexual pleasure. More than 2/3 of men in their 70s have difficulty with erections, however it does not mean that they cannot experience orgasms with other means of intimacy. Likewise women may experience pain as a result of vaginal atrophy. Lubricants and vaginal estrogen can help restore the functionality of the vaginal tissue making penetration more comfortable.

There is no set way in which sex can occur, so communication is key. Positions may change. Partners may change. Health issues may affect what can or cannot be done. Through communication though, the spark may still continue on.